Deep down .. I know that I am a good person .. But somehow , I just don’t see myself like that .. And at certain times .. I feel like I am unconsciously choosing not to see myself in a good way .. I think there is a reason behind that .. I am not sure what is the real reason .. but maybe it is something to do with self-punishment ..
I know I should stop punishing myself .. but sometimes I feel that I need to reach a certain point of punishment so I can say to myself: Now it is okay, now I can stop, now I have been punished enough, now I can start living like everybody else ..
I don’t know what exactly is that certain point I am waiting for is .. and I don’t even know why I feel like this from the first place ..