About care ..

They said they care .. and they will always be there .. I didn’t want to believe that simply because I have gone through so many experiences in my life and they have taught me not to believe everything people say .. I know they are just saying that because that what they think they should say .. that is what sounds right in their opinion .. But do they really mean it ?! I don’t think so .. However, they wanted me to believe them .. they said they are different .. and they said they really mean what they said .. so .. yes I believed them .. I opened my heart to them .. I told them a lot of things .. they showed me that they care .. and I felt happy at the beginning because I wasn’t mistaken when I trusted them .. 

Days pass on .. And I waited for them to just ask about me .. I mean .. after everything I have told them .. the least they can do is to ask about me and show me that they are really there .. But unfortunately they didn’t do anything .. I thought that maybe they are just busy and I must excuse them .. so I tried to talk to them and ask about them .. I thought maybe then they will ask about me .. but this also didn’t happen ..

So how do I feel right now ?! I feel so stupid to fall in the same mistake again .. I feel angry .. sad and lonely .. I want to cry .. but I just can’t .. my tears refuse to leave my eyes .. I just want to take out everything I am feeling within me .. I really do ..

I really wish to have someone to listen .. someone that cares .. someone that would hug me and let me cry in their arms .. But there isn’t anyone .. I am all alone by myself .. 

I thought that maybe writing will help .. So I wrote a small short sentence .. and I didn’t say what is wrong .. I just wrote : It is just one of those days .. and I posted that sentence .. and then .. only then .. they asked me : what’s wrong ?! I really don’t want them to ask only when I first mention something .. I want them to ask before I get so depressed and post stupid things .. I want to feel that there is someone with me .. I want to feel that I am not alone .. But I guess I can’t force them to do that .. So .. I have to get use to the fact that I am alone .. I must start living alone and by myself .. wearing a smile on my face .. acting as if everything is great .. or maybe I don’t even have to wear that smile and tired myself with acting fine .. because who cares anyway .. I will just try to live .. Solo but strong .. 


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