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The nightmare is back ..

Few days and he will be back .. 

And because it is Ramadan .. we usually go to our uncle house – after the death of my grandpa one year ago – so that means I will see him everyday .. 

I don’t think I am ready .. I am terrified .. I am afraid of the memories that may come to my mind when I see him .. 

I am talking about my cousin who sexually abused me when I was a child .. he is taking a break from his studies from UK and coming back home .. 

He will be back on Friday .. my uncle talked about his son’s return yesterday .. and guess what .. I woke up in the middle of the night to vomit .. I guess my body is over-reacting and my mind is over-thinking .. but what shall I do ?! 

I can’t deny that I am not afraid .. I can’t pretend that I am fine .. I can feel my body shaking when his name is spoken .. 

I really don’t know what to do ?! 

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