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He .. 

I hate him .. I hate the way he made me feel toward myself .. I hate the way he made me look at myself ..

I hate him .. I hate that I have to smile for him infront of everybody and pretend that everything is fine .. I hate that I feel so weak and threatened when he is there ..

I hate that I get a panic attack  when I just think of him .. I hate that I get so nervous and anxious when I am around him .. 
My day today was so exhausting .. so anxious .. so nervous .. so confusing .. I tried to play with my other uncle’s lettle kids just to avoid looking at him and listening to him .. but I wasn’t focused on anything I was doing .. I felt that my mind was in another place .. 
I am just glad that the day ended .. but I don’t know how am I going to face him in the upcoming days .. because we go to their house for Iftar now in Ramadan where our family gather .. so this mean I will see him everyday mostly .. 
Doese this mean my anxiety and panic will come back ?? And would that going to make me feel depressed because it happened again ?? 

There are so many questions inside me .. there is fear .. there is weakness .. I feel so fragile .. I feel that I want someone to hug me to stick my broken peices together .. because I also feel so shattered .. 

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