Uncategorized

Hate

Shut up .. stop talking ..
The universe is not about you ..
You are nothing ..
You are just a stupid worthless little piece of s*** ..
You deserve pain .. punishment .. and hate ..
Nothing can heal your wounds ..
Your infected dirty open wounds ..
They will keep bleeding slowly ..
Untill you die one day ..
Some of them will leave deep scars on your body ..
To remind you always of what you are ..
Of what you have gone through ..
You just can’t run away of your past ..
You just can’t simply forget your memories ..
No matter how hard you try ..
No matter how much you try to distract yourself ..
You will fail ..
Because you see the scars ..
You feel the pain in the wounds ..
You see the place ..
You see that face ..
You just can’t run away from it ..
You just can’t ..
You think of giving up ..
Your head is so full of thoughts ..
Dark and dangerous thoughts ..
And then you enter that struggle ..
The struggle between you and yourself ..
To do it ..
Or to hold on a little bit longer ..
Hoping that maybe tomorrow a new solution may pop up ..
You fight ..
You struggle ..
You lose all your power ..
But at the end ..
You are still this awful weak little afraid person ..
With all of this misery ..
Looking for help sometimes ..
And ashamed to ask for it in other times ..
You know what ..
Just shut up ..
Don’t bother people with you ..
Those who really care will ask ..
Before you even talk ..
But ..
Wait a minute ..
Look around you ..
You have none of those ..
Because who cares about you ..
I told you ..
You don’t deserve anything ..
Stop expecting anything ..
Go ahead ..
Do it ..
Cut yourself ..
Burn yourself ..
Do what you want ..
Who cares ..
You are alone ..
You will always be alone ..
I know what you want to do ..
You want to harm that part of you ..
That specific part of your body ..
Because it has been touched ..
Because it makes you feel dirty ..
That part that gives you the pleasure and the escape from reality for a while ..
The escape and the pleasure that you don’t want ..
Because you don’t deserve that ..
You shouldn’t feel the pleasure ..
You can’t just escape ..
You should feel the pain ..
You should feel the broken and wounded soul you have ..
That’s your life ..
That’s what you deserve ..
I hate you ..
And I hate that I have to live with you ..
But sometimes I feel sorry for you ..
I don’t know what else shall I say ..
Your friend ..
Rejected you ..
Whenever she want ..
And then ..
She want you ..
Whenever she want ..
And you can’t say anything ..
You just have this feeling all the time telling you to control yourself and wait for what she says and what she wants ..
You do what she want ..
You let her feel good ..
But you can’t feel good ..
You can’t let her take what she want ..
Because it makes you very uncomfortable ..
She want that part of your body ..
But you can’t ..
And she doesn’t want to take what you want her to take of you ..
The other part of you ..
So you are left alone ..
You wait for her to go to the bathroom ..
And you try to give yourself what she didn’t give you ..
You want to feel the pleasure ..
You want to let go of this feeling ..
But you feel so sad about it ..
You feel so sad about yourself ..
You hate it ..
You stop it ..
You cry ..
And you wish you don’t have this feeling ..
Because who are you to think that you can have a moment of pleasure ..
Who do you think you are ..
You are still this little piece of s*** ..
Don’t forget that ..
So think again ..
Do you want to harm that part of your body ..
To stop feeling the pleasure ..
The pleasure that you don’t deserve ..
Maybe it’s what you must do ..
To git rid of the tension ..
The tension you get whenever you have to struggle between feeling like that or feeling that you don’t deserve it and it’s wrong ..
You have already tried to harm it and you faild ..
But ..
Try again ..
Try harder ..
This is maybe what you should have done before ..
Maybe this is going to help you ..

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